The Downfall of Vakeaton Quamar Wafer

Like many basketball fans of my ilk, I will watch pretty much any dunk contest that makes its way onto a television. I’d probably watch a 30-minute special on the “World’s Greatest Little Tyke Plastic Hoop Jams”. Because of this, it is a with a twinge of sadness that I had to include our most recent addition to The S#!t On List.

It was only a scant five years ago that a Florida State-bound guard by the name of Von Wafer managed to nearly steal the McDonald’s All-America Slam Dunk title away from one LeBron James, who at that point was already driving Hummers, being referred to as “King”, and getting blown by every ambitious jersey-chaser within 200 miles of Akron, Ohio. In fact, many would argue that Wafer should have won the contest, but was robbed because of Bron’s fame and home court advantage. Visual evidence here:

Not bad, right? Unfortunately, you just witnessed the peak of Von Wafer’s career as a basketball player. After two mostly unspectacular seasons at Florida State (he averaged 12.5 points per game in his sophomore campaign), Wafer was drafted with the 39th pick of the 2005 draft by the Los Angeles Lakers. Wafer was unceremoniously placed on waivers just a few days before the 2006-2007 season, after playing sparingly in 16 games as a rookie. What happened? Kirk Snyder happened.

With one brutal posterizing, Snyder essentially laid a steamy deuce on Von Wafer’s swag. Since that dunk, Wafer has bounced between the NBDL and the NBA (including playing one whole scoreless minute for the L.A. Clippers before they decided to waive him), but this season landed on the Houston Rockets’ roster. On Tuesday, after averaging nearly eight points per game for the injury-ravaged Rockets, his contract was extended for the season. It seemed that our intrepid hero had recovered fully from the Kirk Snyder Encounter. However, it took only one day for Wafer to become, once again, the butt of America’s jokes, and he has no one to blame but himself:

Welcome to The S#!t On List, Von. We’ve been waiting for you.

The Dunks, The Flares, The Flashiness

If you have read each of our introductory posts, you can probably tell by now that we both really enjoy basketball, and especially the in-air acrobatics that lead to glory for one man and shame for another. We, in fact, have an entire page dedicated to this sort of stuff. Head over to The S#!t On List (or just click the link at the top of the page) to see who has recently been on the wrong end of some savage facial action. If you like stuff like this…

…you will be sure to enjoy TSOL. We will be doing our best to update it daily with the previous night’s best dunks, blocks, and crossovers, so make sure to check back with us often.

Get to Know Me, or Blow Me

Hello all. Around these parts, I go by Overdramatica, and with Mr. Snappy we form Homer Eroticism (it’s like The Ambiguously Gay Duo, without all the ambiguity). My goal is to make you laugh out loud, but in the way that makes you feel guilty, or even filthy, for doing so.

Mr. Snappy, of course, is the gay one.

By the time I hit high school, I realized that my less-than-spectacular frame would not lead me to athletic glory (I now stand an imposing 5-11, 140 lbs. If the body is a temple, then mine is this one). I chose to go down the much easier path: watching a ton of sports while surrounding myself with other people who do much the same. When people happen to be as openly vulgar and hilarious as the ones I keep company with, the possibilities for amazing blog fodder are virtually limitless.

My partner in crime has done a tremendous job of describing the general feelings of this blog (and we’ll further introduce you to our outlook on sports in The Manifesto), so I’ll give you a quick introduction to myself:

• There is nothing better than the emotion that comes from playing and watching sports. I love watching a baseball manager flipping out in a fashion that is only acceptable on a baseball diamond (bonus points for fake-grenade tossing), 30000 drunk college students rushing the field after a once-in-a-lifetime upset victory, and yes, watching the devastation of a particularly hated fanbase.
  

  Quit crying before I ... hold that thought, Cherokee Parks is here with my pizza.

• I fully support the NBA having an adjustable rim for the Dunk Contest. That, or sticking Alonzo Mourning right in front of the rim with weights on his feet. Fuck you and your damn kidneys, Zo. Enjoy flossing Dwight Howard’s pubic hair out from between your teeth.
• Bias is what makes arguing about sports great. Also, I believe that if sports fans had no bias they’d all believe that Barry Sanders is the greatest running back to ever walk the earth, Steve Yzerman is the greatest captain in any sport, and Charles Woodson is the greatest collegiate football player since Red Grange. I will take these opinions intractable facts to my grave.
• There is nothing more glorious than Sam Cassell’s testicle dance:
  

  Lance Armstrong cries every time he sees Sam dance.

Believe or not, I have hundreds (maybe even thousands!) of opinions, but putting them all in my introductory post would defeat the point of this whole “blog” thing. Get excited, but not too excited, or you’ll end up like …

— Overdramatica

Like FOX’s College Football Coverage…

…we’re a work in progress. The site will be up and running soon.