Kobe’s Premature Emasculation

The Lakers and the Spurs played an epic contest last night. With 12 seconds to go, Kobe Bryant drilled a three right  in the eye of Roger Mason, giving L.A. a 111-109 advantage. Kobe followed this feat with the greatest dance known to mankind: the Sam Cassell Big Balls Dance.

There was only one problem: you have to back up your claim to enormous testicles. Mason followed Kobe’s bucket with a ridiculous three-point play, giving the Spurs a one-point lead with ten seconds to go.

Kobe’s response? Instead of doing the manly thing, and drilling another shot to show his pair reigned supreme, he passed off to Trevor Ariza. Who travelled. Game, blouses.

The Sam Cassell Dance is a sacred one. Don’t go infuriating the basketball gods, Kobe. Keep an eye out next time you play Reggie Evans.

Also: two new additions to The S#!t On List. Hit the link at the top of the page.

Nuggets of Greatness: January 14

Nuggets of Greatness is our semi-regular link dump. We search through all the crap on the internet to unearth the best posts of the day. I am out of thinly veiled poop references. Shit.

• It’s really goddamn cold outside (MSNBC)
• GOALIE FIGHT! GOALIE FIGHT! JUST CLICK ON IT ALREADY (The Fanhouse)
• Father gives 14-year-old son steroids. Son hits mother. Father arrested. I think I saw this one on Leave It To Beaver (Deadspin)
• “Martial Arts Tricking” aka people who will unexpectedly turn a bar fight into Drunken Master III (With Leather)

A Contrast in Dunkability

Thud.

We’ve got two new additions to The S#!t On List, both coming from last night’s Grizzlies/Cavs tilt. I’m not even going to bother looking up the final score, because that’s not what we care about over here. To the video!

First, an example of spectacular athleticism being used for good (or evil, if you’re Delonte West):

Hakim Warrick has hops. I’d recommend getting out the way next time.

On the other hand, we have a man who has been in the news a fair amount lately: Darius Miles. Despite dropping 13 points last night in his Grizzlies debut (and playing in his 10th game of the season, significantly affecting Portland’s cap space next offseason), Miles will be ridiculed here for being the second man to make TSOL for violating The Von Wafer Corollary:

Yikes. Negative points for the egregious travel and the mid-air Jordan leg kick. Maybe the Blazers had a point after all.

Nuggets of Greatness: January 13

Nuggets of Greatness is our semi-regular link dump. We search through all the crap on the internet to unearth the best posts of the day. I am out of thinly veiled poop references. Shit.

• The tale of a girl who left a true nugget of greatness outside Dolphins Stadium before the national title game (EDSBS)
• EDSBS continues its tremendous day by unearthing footage of a Florida fan’s unique way of celebrating (EDSBS, again)
• Myron Rolle is a greater man than you, me, and even Tim Tebow (Deadspin)
• Antonio Cromartie, a personal favorite of Homer Eroticism (boy, that sounds gay) played the whole season with an injury your grandmother can sympathize with (Shutdown Corner)

Nuggets of Greatness: January 12

Nuggets of Greatness is our semi-regular link dump. We search through all the crap on the internet to unearth the best posts of the day. I am out of thinly veiled poop references. Shit.

• Erin Andrews has a sister. Pervs of the world, rejoice. (Busted Coverage)
• LeBron in a Browns jersey; the thought of him playing tight end makes my pants tighten (Waiting For Next Year)
• CBS censors fail miserably (The World of Isaac)
• VH1’s Tool Academy is missing one of world’s biggest tools (This is God Given)

Al Thornton – Redemption Dunk

Old pirates, yes, they rob I;
Sold I to the merchant ships,
Minutes after they took I
From the bottomless pit.
But my hand was made strong
By the ‘and of the almighty.
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly.
Won’t you help to sing
These songs of freedom?
Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs.

Head over to The S#!t On List page if you are mightily confused.

A New High for Homer Eroticism

Two of the search terms that have directed people to this website today:

1. “sam cassell balls”

2. “snappy replies blow me”

Homer Eroticism: just glad to be of service.

Flynn Sends It In, Shin Hits Skin On Rosario’s Chinny Chin Chin

Because there are just way too many college basketball teams, we don’t include amateur athletes in The S#!t On List. However, if we did, Rutgers’ Mike Rosario would be looking to redeem himself after Syracuse’s 6’0″ sophomore phenom Jonny Flynn unleashed the beast all over his grill:

Fin.

Welcome to The Shit List, Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis

This picture is tiny, much like their brains.

Announcing incompetence, in this day of 500 channels and 24-hour sports networks, is something that is to be expected. I have a hard time watching any sports game with the sound on and NOT getting furious about how incredibly wrong the announcers seem to be about, well, everything. However, last night’s BCS National Championship Game on FOX set a new standard for wretched commentary. Witness two minutes of getting the down wrong on a crucial goal-line possession, despite the TWO FUCKING GRAPHICS ON THE SCREEN DEPICTING THE CORRECT DOWN (video via Dr. Saturday):

Add the booth’s case of Down Syndrome to the embarrassing dick-riding of Tim Tebow  (who I admit played very well, but for God’s sake, zip up your pants and keep the cream off the camera) and FOX’s coverage of the title game instantly became a three-hour tutorial on how to completely ruin a sports telecast.

For defiling what was otherwise a tremendous title game, Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis are now on The S#!t List. Hopefully the next time these guys announce a game in on Fox Sports’ telecast of Extreme Rock Paper Scissors (although Thom and Charles probably believe that rock beats paper).

"Scissors wins! I am tremendously aroused!"

Nuggets of Greatness: January 8

Nuggets of Greatness is our semi-regular link dump. We search through all the crap on the internet to unearth the best posts of the day. I am out of thinly veiled poop references. Shit.

• Titans cheerleader doubles as brilliant molecular researcher; world domination forthcoming (Deadspin)
• Pacman Jones is F’d in the A (Awful Announcing)
• It’s the most wonderful time of the year for Lions fans: mock drafts! (The Big Lead)
• Jay Glazer will happily rest his head on your chest pillows (With Leather)