Welcome to Homereroticism. They call me Mr. Snappy.
OD and I threw this little site together to express some of our cruder opinions on the world of sport. Basically, we love sports, and hate a lot of the people who play them. For example, Brett Favre. We felt the world was cluttered with too many “experts” who try to use their little stats and precise observations to explain why they no more about hitting a baseball or kicking a field goal than someone who has dedicated their life to doing it. We don’t do that.
Instead, we focus on the things that really matter. Who cares if you shoot 70% from the field, if you get dunked on twice a game? What difference does it make what your batting average is, if you routinely get found with double-edged dildos in your trunk? It is our mission here at Homer Eroticism to hold athletes accountable for these types of things. So get ready, because the clock is running and we are taking notes.
Before the games begin, I want to establish a few things about me. I hate Brett Favre. I also hate big, white, foreigners in the NBA. Oh no! Is that racist? Until the Manu Ginobili’s and Pau Gasol’s of the world stop taking fouls like soccer players, you can blow me.
I believe very strongly in the power of manly things. Dunks on faces, crippling tackles, and towering home runs as the hitter glares at the pitcher and slowly walks to first, are all things I consider to be quite gangster. Being on the receiving end of any such thing puts you on my shit list.
I love athletes who say and or do ridiculous things. I also love athletes who demonstrate a passion for the game that goes beyond the passion I could ever have for anything in my life. Clinton Portis (or should I say Coach Janky Spanky?) is a great example of the former, Ray Lewis the latter. Oh yeah, speaking of Ray Lewis, I think Ed Reed is the greatest human athlete in the world. Calvin Johnson is a close second. LeBron James does not count as “human.”
So that’s my formula. Vince Carter = good. Frederic Weis = bad. That is of course when VC isn’t faking an injury but we’ll save that for another day. If you disagree with this method of evaluation, read any of the millions of other blogs out there which just rehash the same crap you hear over and over on ESPN. If you believe that Dwight Howard fights aliens, keep checking back here for more of our insight.
And oh yeah, this is the closest thing to an apology that you’ll ever get from me.
Fuck Brett Favre.