Category Archives: Feats of Horrendous Athleticism

A Contrast in Dunkability

Thud.

Thud.

We’ve got two new additions to The S#!t On List, both coming from last night’s Grizzlies/Cavs tilt. I’m not even going to bother looking up the final score, because that’s not what we care about over here. To the video!

First, an example of spectacular athleticism being used for good (or evil, if you’re Delonte West):

Hakim Warrick has hops. I’d recommend getting out the way next time.

On the other hand, we have a man who has been in the news a fair amount lately: Darius Miles. Despite dropping 13 points last night in his Grizzlies debut (and playing in his 10th game of the season, significantly affecting Portland’s cap space next offseason), Miles will be ridiculed here for being the second man to make TSOL for violating The Von Wafer Corollary:

Yikes. Negative points for the egregious travel and the mid-air Jordan leg kick. Maybe the Blazers had a point after all.

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Filed under Feats of Horrendous Athleticism, Feats of Tremendous Athleticism

The Downfall of Vakeaton Quamar Wafer

wafer

Like many basketball fans of my ilk, I will watch pretty much any dunk contest that makes its way onto a television. I’d probably watch a 30-minute special on the “World’s Greatest Little Tyke Plastic Hoop Jams”. Because of this, it is a with a twinge of sadness that I had to include our most recent addition to The S#!t On List.

It was only a scant five years ago that a Florida State-bound guard by the name of Von Wafer managed to nearly steal the McDonald’s All-America Slam Dunk title away from one LeBron James, who at that point was already driving Hummers, being referred to as “King”, and getting blown by every ambitious jersey-chaser within 200 miles of Akron, Ohio. In fact, many would argue that Wafer should have won the contest, but was robbed because of Bron’s fame and home court advantage. Visual evidence here:

Not bad, right? Unfortunately, you just witnessed the peak of Von Wafer’s career as a basketball player. After two mostly unspectacular seasons at Florida State (he averaged 12.5 points per game in his sophomore campaign), Wafer was drafted with the 39th pick of the 2005 draft by the Los Angeles Lakers. Wafer was unceremoniously placed on waivers just a few days before the 2006-2007 season, after playing sparingly in 16 games as a rookie. What happened? Kirk Snyder happened.

With one brutal posterizing, Snyder essentially laid a steamy deuce on Von Wafer’s swag. Since that dunk, Wafer has bounced between the NBDL and the NBA (including playing one whole scoreless minute for the L.A. Clippers before they decided to waive him), but this season landed on the Houston Rockets’ roster. On Tuesday, after averaging nearly eight points per game for the injury-ravaged Rockets, his contract was extended for the season. It seemed that our intrepid hero had recovered fully from the Kirk Snyder Encounter. However, it took only one day for Wafer to become, once again, the butt of America’s jokes, and he has no one to blame but himself:

Welcome to The S#!t On List, Von. We’ve been waiting for you.

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Filed under Feats of Horrendous Athleticism, Feats of Tremendous Athleticism