Tag Archives: Is That Really Regulation Height?

The Downfall of Vakeaton Quamar Wafer

wafer

Like many basketball fans of my ilk, I will watch pretty much any dunk contest that makes its way onto a television. I’d probably watch a 30-minute special on the “World’s Greatest Little Tyke Plastic Hoop Jams”. Because of this, it is a with a twinge of sadness that I had to include our most recent addition to The S#!t On List.

It was only a scant five years ago that a Florida State-bound guard by the name of Von Wafer managed to nearly steal the McDonald’s All-America Slam Dunk title away from one LeBron James, who at that point was already driving Hummers, being referred to as “King”, and getting blown by every ambitious jersey-chaser within 200 miles of Akron, Ohio. In fact, many would argue that Wafer should have won the contest, but was robbed because of Bron’s fame and home court advantage. Visual evidence here:

Not bad, right? Unfortunately, you just witnessed the peak of Von Wafer’s career as a basketball player. After two mostly unspectacular seasons at Florida State (he averaged 12.5 points per game in his sophomore campaign), Wafer was drafted with the 39th pick of the 2005 draft by the Los Angeles Lakers. Wafer was unceremoniously placed on waivers just a few days before the 2006-2007 season, after playing sparingly in 16 games as a rookie. What happened? Kirk Snyder happened.

With one brutal posterizing, Snyder essentially laid a steamy deuce on Von Wafer’s swag. Since that dunk, Wafer has bounced between the NBDL and the NBA (including playing one whole scoreless minute for the L.A. Clippers before they decided to waive him), but this season landed on the Houston Rockets’ roster. On Tuesday, after averaging nearly eight points per game for the injury-ravaged Rockets, his contract was extended for the season. It seemed that our intrepid hero had recovered fully from the Kirk Snyder Encounter. However, it took only one day for Wafer to become, once again, the butt of America’s jokes, and he has no one to blame but himself:

Welcome to The S#!t On List, Von. We’ve been waiting for you.

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Filed under Feats of Horrendous Athleticism, Feats of Tremendous Athleticism