Tag Archives: Arguments of a One-Sided Nature

Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols: Duh

erinandrews

Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols is the first in an ongoing series of Master Debates, in which Overdramatica and Mr. Snappy go head-to-head in a battle of wits and wisdom. After each of us presents our argument, we’ll throw up a poll, and let the people decide who wins. God Bless America.

I distinctly remember not being able to speak when I first heard Mr. Snappy profess that he would rather have carnal relations with ESPN’s Rachel Nichols than America’s Sexiest Sportscaster (according to Playboy [link SFW, believe it or not]) Erin Andrews. There are some arguments in which there is no right or wrong answer. This is not one of those arguments. Honestly, I could just put up a picture of each of them and declare this thing over:

There. I Win.

There. I Win.

However, that wouldn’t be very fun. I’m going to take this argument beyond the blatant, opticallypleasing obvious.

  • While an undergrad at the University of Florida, Andrews was a Dazzler. That’s right, she was on the fucking dance team. Can I get an hallelujah for flexibility? HALLELUJAH!
  • Speaking of colleges, Andrews was a Gator. Nichols? A Northwestern Wildcat. As a current student at a school in the Great White North, I can tell you, without hesitation, that Andrews partied harder. Massive state school in the South > Small, dorky northern private school.
  • Rachel Nichols is not even the hottest famous person named Rachel Nichols.

    Infinitely more boneable than Rachel Nichols, ESPN version.

    Infinitely more boneable than Rachel Nichols, ESPN version.

  • While rumors have been thrown around about Andrews having flings with various athletes, she is single. Nichols, however, is married. And has been since 2001. I don’t care how many “flings” Andrews has had, there’s no way she’s more used up than Nichols, who also is five years Erin’s senior.
  • Nichols’ husband is an exec at Tommy Boy Entertainment, a prominent music label. Sorry fellas, but if she’s trying to cheat, she’s banging Coolio. Have fun following that one up.
  • Andrews spent part of her early career covering the Tampa Bay Lightning for the Sunshine Network. There is nothing sexier than a girl who will grab a beer with you and watch some hockey. Actually hearing intelligent input while watching Canada’s Finest Contribution to Earth is cause for a raging hard-on that only subsides after looking at … Rachel Nichols (bam!).
  • I’m a Mac guy.
  • Erin clearly has no problem with younger men.
  • Wikipedia knows all. When Wikipedia doesn’t have your picture posted, it probably means you look like a horse.
  • Finally, one word: firecrotch.

Snappy’s retort is coming soon, but don’t hold your breath. I already know who wins this one.

— Overdramatica

UPDATE: The poll is up. Do the right thing, America.

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