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Rudy Fernandez? Really?

We would be remiss in our duties here at Homer Eroticism to just let this one go. How the hell did Rudy Fernandez beat out Joe Alexander and Russell Westbrook for the fourth spot in the slam dunk contest?

I personally thought Joe Alexander was the obvious choice. For one, he’s the perfect underdog: young, white, and goofy as hell. In his dunk contest audition tape he says, “winning the slam dunk contest would be the second best experience of my life after getting drafted. So yeah, it would be the greatest experience of my life thus far.” This is on par with Amare’s quote from my NBA Slam Dunks Vol. 1 DVD in which he declares, “I dunk a lot, so uh, pretty much every dunk excites me.” I love shit like that.

But yeah, if you still weren’t sold on Joe Alexander, the man warms up by hitting his head on the rim. That’s awesome for a couple reasons. Don’t believe me?

alexanderheadbutt
Joe may have tried this one too many times…

If you’re racist, and completely against white people in dunk contests, than I would concede that Russell Westbrook is a spectacular choice also. Westbrook’s combination of freak athleticism and small stature make him a dunk contest prototype. He’s also been known to do this to people…

But no, America. You decided to go with Rudy Fernandez. What does he bring to the table, exactly? He’s a little bigger than ideal, and certainly not a high-flying type dunker. He did kind of dunk on Dwight Howard in the gold medal game, but it wasn’t nearly as spectacular as it sounds. He’s having a nice season, but his victory over Joe and Russell is a travesty.

You could have had either of these:

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Chico St UCLA Basketball

Instead you got this:

Oh well. Dwight is going to win anyways.

-Mr. Snappy

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Russell Westbrook Respectfully Disagrees With Your Vote

The news broke today that Portland’s Rudy Fernandez won the NBA.com fan vote for the fourth participant in the Slam Dunk Contest, beating out Milwaukee’s Joe Alexander and OKC’s Russell Westbrook. Instead of quietly ceding victory, Westbrook used near-lethal force to throw down this slam over Miami’s Mario Chalmers during last night’s game:

With Mario’s spectacular addition, TSOL is now up to 16 members. Although I completely missed it when the “lineup” hit 15 (the NBA maximum for a roster), I’m going to compile TSOL’s roster anyway. I’d put this squad up against almost any in the league:

PG: Delonte West, Mario Chalmers, Javaris Crittenton
SG: Dwyane Wade, Von Wafer
SF: Rasual Butler, Darius Miles, Bobby Simmons
PF: Pau Gasol, Big Baby Davis, Robin Lopez, Solomon Jones
C: Amare Stoudemire, Greg Oden, Tyson Chandler, Mikki Moore

To adhere to NBA rules, I guess we’d have to release Solomon Jones, but considering the ridiculous depth this team would have up front, he’s no big loss. If this team pulls a trade for a viable small forward (it’s too bad Al Thornton redeemed himself … he’d fit perfectly), they’d be NBA title contenders.

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Ahhhh! It’s a High Five!

High Five

This ref from the NFC Championship Game is not down with being in the middle of a celebratory high five. Either that or Jason Avant has some really stinky pits. It’s a good thing Celek and Avant didn’t go for the chest bump.

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Gerald Wallace Has Flubber in His Shoes

Gotta love the fan with the video camera at floor level, just in case some shit like that happens. I guess when you’re a Bobcats fan, there’s really no other reason to pay for those tickets anyway.

And yes, Greg Oden has been added to TSOL.

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Nuggets of Greatness: January 15

jessica_biel

Nuggets of Greatness is our semi-regular link dump. We search through all the crap on the internet to unearth the best posts of the day. I am out of thinly veiled poop references. Shit.

  • Giving all new meaning to the phrase “I’d love to be in a foursome with Jessica Biel” (Epic Carnival)
  • Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice plugged Madonna [scroll down] (SPORTSbyBROOKS)
  • Rajon Rondo: Son of Plastic Man (Sports Hernia)
  • Ricky Hatton thinks Christiano Ronaldo is a “fairy”; world nods in agreement (Josh Q Public)

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Kobe’s Premature Emasculation

The Lakers and the Spurs played an epic contest last night. With 12 seconds to go, Kobe Bryant drilled a three right  in the eye of Roger Mason, giving L.A. a 111-109 advantage. Kobe followed this feat with the greatest dance known to mankind: the Sam Cassell Big Balls Dance.

There was only one problem: you have to back up your claim to enormous testicles. Mason followed Kobe’s bucket with a ridiculous three-point play, giving the Spurs a one-point lead with ten seconds to go.

Kobe’s response? Instead of doing the manly thing, and drilling another shot to show his pair reigned supreme, he passed off to Trevor Ariza. Who travelled. Game, blouses.

The Sam Cassell Dance is a sacred one. Don’t go infuriating the basketball gods, Kobe. Keep an eye out next time you play Reggie Evans.

Also: two new additions to The S#!t On List. Hit the link at the top of the page.

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