Category Archives: Master Debates

Master Debates: Erin Andrews v. Rachel Nichols

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vs.

nichols

You’ve seen the arguments (ErinRachel). Now it’s time for the people to decide:

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Ummmm… Rachel Nichols?

Look at those eyes...

Look at those eyes...

Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols is the first in an ongoing series of Master Debates, in which Overdramatica and Mr. Snappy go head-to-head in a battle of wits and wisdom. After each of us present our argument, we’ll throw up a poll, and let the people decide who wins. God Bless America.

Helllloooo Ms. Nichols!

It’s about time this ongoing debate between OD and I is finally put to rest. To be perfectly honest, I’m upset I even have to  explain myself. It is obvious to me that Nichols’ is the hotter of the two. Nevertheless, OD makes some valid points. Here is my rebuttal…

First, we need to better define what we are going for here. Are we saying purely physical attractiveness? If so, Nichols wins, albeit by a smaller margin than if we go by my preferred criteria: most bonable.

The thing is, Andrews is a pretty lady. Conventionally attractive, conservative, and simple. She has a lovely smile, and an unoffensive demeanor. She is the type of girl you have a crush on in middle school, but out grow it when you realize she’s just, well… boring.

Nichols, on the other hand, strikes me as a rampaging sex panther. A quick disclaimer: I don’t know Rachel Nichols personally. Every assumption I make herein is based on her on-screen performance.

And oh what a performance it is. The way Nichols stares you down as she talks about Tom Brady (which is arousing in its own right ;-)), never relenting with those big, brown eyes, tells me she’s the type who’ll stare into your eyes at other times, too. Her no nonsense attitude, and the way she signs off with a perfectly punctuated E-S-P-N, and a slight shake of the head, tell me this is a woman who knows what she wants, and knows how to get it. Oh, and the red hair? Hot. These are the things that convince me she could do things that would make any man’s knees weak.

However, if we must reduce ourselves to a point-by-point comparison, so be it.

-Andrews was a dancer? That’s cool. Too bad it doesn’t mean anything. The prudest girl I ever met was a dancer. Just because Nichols went to one of the best journalism schools in the country to be… a journalist, shouldn’t count against her here.

-Gators vs. Wildcats. STDs vs. PhDs. Besides, a nasty little girl like Rachel Nichols was probably totally repressed at Northwestern. She’s dying to kick it with someone who doesn’t wear sweater-vests over sweaters.

-Are we really bringing the other Rachel Nichols into this? She’s hotter than either of them…

-As for actual possiblity of bonage? Erin Andrews might be single, but she doesn’t let anyone passed first base. Rachel Nichols can’t remember the names of half the guys she’s dominated. And if Rachel Nichols is cheating with Coolio, Erin Andrews is cheating with Tom Brady. I’ll take my chances with Coolio.

-Are you actually trying to use the argument that Erin Andrews is the type of girl who’d watch sports with you, but Rachel Nichols isn’t? Ummm… they are both sports reporters, remember?

-Nice picture of Andrews using her laptop.

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Is this not the most normal chick you’ve ever seen? Not to mention her boobs are about half way down her torso. Rachel Nichols has a tight little body.

-Rachel Nichols is 36. That is supposed to be a bad thing? Look at her! Cougar.

-Oh, and if Wikipedia is relevant in this discussion, then so is “Rachel Nichols'” Myspace page, which clearly states she is single.

Basically, it comes down to this. Erin Andrews might flirt with you a little bit, and then go to bed early (and alone). Rachel Nichols will pull you into a storage closet and change your life.

End of discussion.

UPDATE: The poll is up.

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Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols: Duh

erinandrews

Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols is the first in an ongoing series of Master Debates, in which Overdramatica and Mr. Snappy go head-to-head in a battle of wits and wisdom. After each of us presents our argument, we’ll throw up a poll, and let the people decide who wins. God Bless America.

I distinctly remember not being able to speak when I first heard Mr. Snappy profess that he would rather have carnal relations with ESPN’s Rachel Nichols than America’s Sexiest Sportscaster (according to Playboy [link SFW, believe it or not]) Erin Andrews. There are some arguments in which there is no right or wrong answer. This is not one of those arguments. Honestly, I could just put up a picture of each of them and declare this thing over:

There. I Win.

There. I Win.

However, that wouldn’t be very fun. I’m going to take this argument beyond the blatant, opticallypleasing obvious.

  • While an undergrad at the University of Florida, Andrews was a Dazzler. That’s right, she was on the fucking dance team. Can I get an hallelujah for flexibility? HALLELUJAH!
  • Speaking of colleges, Andrews was a Gator. Nichols? A Northwestern Wildcat. As a current student at a school in the Great White North, I can tell you, without hesitation, that Andrews partied harder. Massive state school in the South > Small, dorky northern private school.
  • Rachel Nichols is not even the hottest famous person named Rachel Nichols.

    Infinitely more boneable than Rachel Nichols, ESPN version.

    Infinitely more boneable than Rachel Nichols, ESPN version.

  • While rumors have been thrown around about Andrews having flings with various athletes, she is single. Nichols, however, is married. And has been since 2001. I don’t care how many “flings” Andrews has had, there’s no way she’s more used up than Nichols, who also is five years Erin’s senior.
  • Nichols’ husband is an exec at Tommy Boy Entertainment, a prominent music label. Sorry fellas, but if she’s trying to cheat, she’s banging Coolio. Have fun following that one up.
  • Andrews spent part of her early career covering the Tampa Bay Lightning for the Sunshine Network. There is nothing sexier than a girl who will grab a beer with you and watch some hockey. Actually hearing intelligent input while watching Canada’s Finest Contribution to Earth is cause for a raging hard-on that only subsides after looking at … Rachel Nichols (bam!).
  • I’m a Mac guy.
  • Erin clearly has no problem with younger men.
  • Wikipedia knows all. When Wikipedia doesn’t have your picture posted, it probably means you look like a horse.
  • Finally, one word: firecrotch.

Snappy’s retort is coming soon, but don’t hold your breath. I already know who wins this one.

— Overdramatica

UPDATE: The poll is up. Do the right thing, America.

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