Author Archives: Mr. Snappy

Have you ever tried the Nashville Predator?

 

I don't even know...

I don't even know...

The whole concept for Homer Eroticism came about as a result of a discussion OD and I had regarding which professional sports team’s name sounds the most like a freaky sexual maneuver. I figure it was time to present this discussion to the public. Without further ado, here are some of my nominations. I imagine once OD weighs in on the matter, we will set up some sort of a vote to determine the ultimate winner.

MLB:
The Texas Ranger
The Cleveland Indian
The Detroit Tiger
A New York Yankee (“dude, she gave me a little ‘New York Yankee,’ if you know what I mean” )
The Tampa Bay Ray
The Pittsburgh Pirate
The Houston Astro
The Arizona Diamondback
The San Francisco Giant
The Colorado Rocky
The Florida Marlin

NBA:
The Portland Blazer
The Charlotte Bobcat
The Milwaukee Buck
The Chicago Bull
The Memphis Grizzly
The New Orleans Hornet
The Orlando Magic
The Dallas Maverick
The Denver Nugget
The Detroit Piston
The Toronto Raptor
The San Antonio Spur
The Oklahoma City Thunder
The Minnesota Timberwolf
The Washington Wizard

NFL:
The Buffalo Bill
The Miami Dolphin
The Dallas Cowboy
The New York Giant
The Philadelphia Eagle
The Washington Redskin
The Baltimore Raven
The Chicago Bear
The Green Bay Packer
The Minnesota Viking
The Jacksonville Jaguar
The Tennessee Titan
The Atlanta Falcon
The Tampa Bay Buccaneer
The Denver Bronco
The Oakland Raider
The San Diego Charger
The St. Louis Ram

NHL:
The New Jersey Devil
The Pittsburgh Penguin
The Nashville Predator
The Buffalo Sabre
The Ottawa Senator
The Calgary Flame
The Colorado Avalanche
The Minnesota Wild
The Atlanta Thrasher
The Carolina Hurricane
The Florida Panther
The Phoenix Coyote
The San Jose Shark

So those are my nominations. The names in bold are my personal favorites. Respond with any I may have missed, as well as potential descriptions of what some of these moves might entail. We’ll throw up a poll after some leaders emerge.

-Mr. Snappy

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Random Savagery… The Definition of a Teabag

I remembered seeing this dunk a while back, and finally found it on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a_wW6Zf0Qk
(sorry, embedding doesn’t work for this vid)

This may be the farthest that nuts have ever been placed down a throat.

Willie Warren should also be remembered for this:

my new hero

my new hero

His perfect high-top fade during the McDonald’s All-American game.

Willie Warren, you are officially a friend of Homer Eroticism.

Oh, and I am this close to putting that ref in the video on The Sh!t List for the technical foul. How you gonna play Willie Warren like that?

Hope that brightened your day.

-Mr. Snappy

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Rudy Fernandez? Really?

We would be remiss in our duties here at Homer Eroticism to just let this one go. How the hell did Rudy Fernandez beat out Joe Alexander and Russell Westbrook for the fourth spot in the slam dunk contest?

I personally thought Joe Alexander was the obvious choice. For one, he’s the perfect underdog: young, white, and goofy as hell. In his dunk contest audition tape he says, “winning the slam dunk contest would be the second best experience of my life after getting drafted. So yeah, it would be the greatest experience of my life thus far.” This is on par with Amare’s quote from my NBA Slam Dunks Vol. 1 DVD in which he declares, “I dunk a lot, so uh, pretty much every dunk excites me.” I love shit like that.

But yeah, if you still weren’t sold on Joe Alexander, the man warms up by hitting his head on the rim. That’s awesome for a couple reasons. Don’t believe me?

alexanderheadbutt
Joe may have tried this one too many times…

If you’re racist, and completely against white people in dunk contests, than I would concede that Russell Westbrook is a spectacular choice also. Westbrook’s combination of freak athleticism and small stature make him a dunk contest prototype. He’s also been known to do this to people…

But no, America. You decided to go with Rudy Fernandez. What does he bring to the table, exactly? He’s a little bigger than ideal, and certainly not a high-flying type dunker. He did kind of dunk on Dwight Howard in the gold medal game, but it wasn’t nearly as spectacular as it sounds. He’s having a nice season, but his victory over Joe and Russell is a travesty.

You could have had either of these:

mm4101207

Chico St UCLA Basketball

Instead you got this:

Oh well. Dwight is going to win anyways.

-Mr. Snappy

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Ummmm… Rachel Nichols?

Look at those eyes...

Look at those eyes...

Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols is the first in an ongoing series of Master Debates, in which Overdramatica and Mr. Snappy go head-to-head in a battle of wits and wisdom. After each of us present our argument, we’ll throw up a poll, and let the people decide who wins. God Bless America.

Helllloooo Ms. Nichols!

It’s about time this ongoing debate between OD and I is finally put to rest. To be perfectly honest, I’m upset I even have to  explain myself. It is obvious to me that Nichols’ is the hotter of the two. Nevertheless, OD makes some valid points. Here is my rebuttal…

First, we need to better define what we are going for here. Are we saying purely physical attractiveness? If so, Nichols wins, albeit by a smaller margin than if we go by my preferred criteria: most bonable.

The thing is, Andrews is a pretty lady. Conventionally attractive, conservative, and simple. She has a lovely smile, and an unoffensive demeanor. She is the type of girl you have a crush on in middle school, but out grow it when you realize she’s just, well… boring.

Nichols, on the other hand, strikes me as a rampaging sex panther. A quick disclaimer: I don’t know Rachel Nichols personally. Every assumption I make herein is based on her on-screen performance.

And oh what a performance it is. The way Nichols stares you down as she talks about Tom Brady (which is arousing in its own right ;-)), never relenting with those big, brown eyes, tells me she’s the type who’ll stare into your eyes at other times, too. Her no nonsense attitude, and the way she signs off with a perfectly punctuated E-S-P-N, and a slight shake of the head, tell me this is a woman who knows what she wants, and knows how to get it. Oh, and the red hair? Hot. These are the things that convince me she could do things that would make any man’s knees weak.

However, if we must reduce ourselves to a point-by-point comparison, so be it.

-Andrews was a dancer? That’s cool. Too bad it doesn’t mean anything. The prudest girl I ever met was a dancer. Just because Nichols went to one of the best journalism schools in the country to be… a journalist, shouldn’t count against her here.

-Gators vs. Wildcats. STDs vs. PhDs. Besides, a nasty little girl like Rachel Nichols was probably totally repressed at Northwestern. She’s dying to kick it with someone who doesn’t wear sweater-vests over sweaters.

-Are we really bringing the other Rachel Nichols into this? She’s hotter than either of them…

-As for actual possiblity of bonage? Erin Andrews might be single, but she doesn’t let anyone passed first base. Rachel Nichols can’t remember the names of half the guys she’s dominated. And if Rachel Nichols is cheating with Coolio, Erin Andrews is cheating with Tom Brady. I’ll take my chances with Coolio.

-Are you actually trying to use the argument that Erin Andrews is the type of girl who’d watch sports with you, but Rachel Nichols isn’t? Ummm… they are both sports reporters, remember?

-Nice picture of Andrews using her laptop.

6a00d83451bb9869e200e55061a9b78834-640wi1

Is this not the most normal chick you’ve ever seen? Not to mention her boobs are about half way down her torso. Rachel Nichols has a tight little body.

-Rachel Nichols is 36. That is supposed to be a bad thing? Look at her! Cougar.

-Oh, and if Wikipedia is relevant in this discussion, then so is “Rachel Nichols'” Myspace page, which clearly states she is single.

Basically, it comes down to this. Erin Andrews might flirt with you a little bit, and then go to bed early (and alone). Rachel Nichols will pull you into a storage closet and change your life.

End of discussion.

UPDATE: The poll is up.

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The Name’s Snappy. Mr. Snappy…

¡Hola Muchachos!

Welcome to Homereroticism. They call me Mr. Snappy.

OD and I threw this little site together to express some of our cruder opinions on the world of sport. Basically, we love sports, and hate a lot of the people who play them. For example, Brett Favre. We felt the world was cluttered with too many “experts” who try to use their little stats and precise observations to explain why they no more about hitting a baseball or kicking a field goal than someone who has dedicated their life to doing it. We don’t do that.

Instead, we focus on the things that really matter. Who cares if you shoot 70% from the field, if you get dunked on twice a game? What difference does it make what your batting average is, if you routinely get found with double-edged dildos in your trunk? It is our mission here at Homer Eroticism to hold athletes accountable for these types of things. So get ready, because the clock is running and we are taking notes.

Before the games begin, I want to establish a few things about me. I hate Brett Favre. I also hate big, white, foreigners in the NBA. Oh no! Is that racist? Until the Manu Ginobili’s and Pau Gasol’s of the world stop taking fouls like soccer players, you can blow me.

Are the carpet burns on your knees also from all the flopping?

Are the carpet burns on your knees also from all the flopping?

I believe very strongly in the power of manly things. Dunks on faces, crippling tackles, and towering home runs as the hitter glares at the pitcher and slowly walks to first, are all things I consider to be quite gangster. Being on the receiving end of any such thing puts you on my shit list.

I love athletes who say and or do ridiculous things. I also love athletes who demonstrate a passion for the game that goes beyond the passion I could ever have for anything in my life. Clinton Portis (or should I say Coach Janky Spanky?) is a great example of the former, Ray Lewis the latter. Oh yeah, speaking of Ray Lewis, I think Ed Reed is the greatest human athlete in the world. Calvin Johnson is a close second. LeBron James does not count as “human.”

Honorary Head Coach of the Homor Eroticism flag football team.

Honorary Head Coach of the Homer Eroticism flag football team.

So that’s my formula. Vince Carter = good. Frederic Weis = bad. That is of course when VC isn’t faking an injury but we’ll save that for another day. If you disagree with this method of evaluation, read any of the millions of other blogs out there which just rehash the same crap you hear over and over on ESPN. If you believe that Dwight Howard fights aliens, keep checking back here for more of our insight.

And oh yeah, this is the closest thing to an apology that you’ll ever get from me.

Fuck Brett Favre.

-Mr. Snappy.

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