Ummmm… Rachel Nichols?

Look at those eyes...

Look at those eyes...

Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols is the first in an ongoing series of Master Debates, in which Overdramatica and Mr. Snappy go head-to-head in a battle of wits and wisdom. After each of us present our argument, we’ll throw up a poll, and let the people decide who wins. God Bless America.

Helllloooo Ms. Nichols!

It’s about time this ongoing debate between OD and I is finally put to rest. To be perfectly honest, I’m upset I even have to  explain myself. It is obvious to me that Nichols’ is the hotter of the two. Nevertheless, OD makes some valid points. Here is my rebuttal…

First, we need to better define what we are going for here. Are we saying purely physical attractiveness? If so, Nichols wins, albeit by a smaller margin than if we go by my preferred criteria: most bonable.

The thing is, Andrews is a pretty lady. Conventionally attractive, conservative, and simple. She has a lovely smile, and an unoffensive demeanor. She is the type of girl you have a crush on in middle school, but out grow it when you realize she’s just, well… boring.

Nichols, on the other hand, strikes me as a rampaging sex panther. A quick disclaimer: I don’t know Rachel Nichols personally. Every assumption I make herein is based on her on-screen performance.

And oh what a performance it is. The way Nichols stares you down as she talks about Tom Brady (which is arousing in its own right ;-)), never relenting with those big, brown eyes, tells me she’s the type who’ll stare into your eyes at other times, too. Her no nonsense attitude, and the way she signs off with a perfectly punctuated E-S-P-N, and a slight shake of the head, tell me this is a woman who knows what she wants, and knows how to get it. Oh, and the red hair? Hot. These are the things that convince me she could do things that would make any man’s knees weak.

However, if we must reduce ourselves to a point-by-point comparison, so be it.

-Andrews was a dancer? That’s cool. Too bad it doesn’t mean anything. The prudest girl I ever met was a dancer. Just because Nichols went to one of the best journalism schools in the country to be… a journalist, shouldn’t count against her here.

-Gators vs. Wildcats. STDs vs. PhDs. Besides, a nasty little girl like Rachel Nichols was probably totally repressed at Northwestern. She’s dying to kick it with someone who doesn’t wear sweater-vests over sweaters.

-Are we really bringing the other Rachel Nichols into this? She’s hotter than either of them…

-As for actual possiblity of bonage? Erin Andrews might be single, but she doesn’t let anyone passed first base. Rachel Nichols can’t remember the names of half the guys she’s dominated. And if Rachel Nichols is cheating with Coolio, Erin Andrews is cheating with Tom Brady. I’ll take my chances with Coolio.

-Are you actually trying to use the argument that Erin Andrews is the type of girl who’d watch sports with you, but Rachel Nichols isn’t? Ummm… they are both sports reporters, remember?

-Nice picture of Andrews using her laptop.


Is this not the most normal chick you’ve ever seen? Not to mention her boobs are about half way down her torso. Rachel Nichols has a tight little body.

-Rachel Nichols is 36. That is supposed to be a bad thing? Look at her! Cougar.

-Oh, and if Wikipedia is relevant in this discussion, then so is “Rachel Nichols'” Myspace page, which clearly states she is single.

Basically, it comes down to this. Erin Andrews might flirt with you a little bit, and then go to bed early (and alone). Rachel Nichols will pull you into a storage closet and change your life.

End of discussion.

UPDATE: The poll is up.



Filed under Master Debates

11 responses to “Ummmm… Rachel Nichols?

  1. You almost had me jumping ship until I saw Nichols myspace page….. Anyone with Patrick Roy in their top 9 friends is not boneable unless it’s his wife or sister he’s very protective of.

    If at all possible I’d like to bone them both. Perhaps take Erin out to a nice seafood restaurant, have some chicken, maybe some sex. Then after that, whip out my safari hat and go have some kinky mistress sex with Nichols. All sounds so fantastic. Just another Friday night.

  2. Overdramatica

    Patrick Roy is the Antichrist. That little tidbit of information is most definitely going into my closing argument.

  3. Only in America—this IS the real Rachel Nichols

  4. What! can’t jam a link into a comment box lol? go Google Rachel Nichols—the actress trumps the jockette by a few lengths

  5. Mr. Snappy

    While we’re consulting myspace pages, it appears your girl Erin Andrews is “in a relationship.”

    Also, she’s friends with a guy from Ohio named “Mel Gibson’s Drinking Buddy.” Might be worse than Patrick Roy.

    Tough break.

  6. Overdramatica

    Waking up at 1:30 is really killing me today. I’ll say this, Snappy: the proof is in the pictures.

    Oh, and also on Ms. Nichols’ ex-husband’s label? Biz Markie. Do you dare risk following that?

  7. Overdramatica

    And Juke, sorry about the lack of linkage … WordPress is a bitch sometimes. However, the other Rachel Nichols definitely trumps the ESPN version (and even Erin, IMO) by quite a bit.

  8. Mr. Snappy

    Name TWO Biz Markie songs…

    No cheating.

  9. Overdramatica

    1. You Say He’s Just A Friend
    2. Pickin’ Boogers

    No cheating necessary … however, please don’t ask for a third.

  10. Pingback: The Buzz » Blog Archive » Ummmm… Rachel Nichols? « Homer Eroticism

  11. Gabriel

    Hands down Brother… Rachel Nichols is the better of the two. She may not be “conventionally hot” (by “little boy” standards), but she definitely projects confidence and certainty which as we all know is the ultimate aphrodisiac. You might look at Erin Andrews and think about all the things you’d like to do to her while she laid there, smiling and cooing at your efforts. With Rachel Nichols, you instinctively feel that she can bring it as well as she takes it. Also, Rachel “packs some thunder down under” as well. My pick? Rachel Nichols… 8 days a week!

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