Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols is the first in an ongoing series of Master Debates, in which Overdramatica and Mr. Snappy go head-to-head in a battle of wits and wisdom. After each of us presents our argument, we’ll throw up a poll, and let the people decide who wins. God Bless America.
I distinctly remember not being able to speak when I first heard Mr. Snappy profess that he would rather have carnal relations with ESPN’s Rachel Nichols than America’s Sexiest Sportscaster (according to Playboy [link SFW, believe it or not]) Erin Andrews. There are some arguments in which there is no right or wrong answer. This is not one of those arguments. Honestly, I could just put up a picture of each of them and declare this thing over:
- While an undergrad at the University of Florida, Andrews was a Dazzler. That’s right, she was on the fucking dance team. Can I get an hallelujah for flexibility? HALLELUJAH!
- Speaking of colleges, Andrews was a Gator. Nichols? A Northwestern Wildcat. As a current student at a school in the Great White North, I can tell you, without hesitation, that Andrews partied harder. Massive state school in the South > Small, dorky northern private school.
- Rachel Nichols is not even the hottest famous person named Rachel Nichols.
- While rumors have been thrown around about Andrews having flings with various athletes, she is single. Nichols, however, is married. And has been since 2001. I don’t care how many “flings” Andrews has had, there’s no way she’s more used up than Nichols, who also is five years Erin’s senior.
- Nichols’ husband is an exec at Tommy Boy Entertainment, a prominent music label. Sorry fellas, but if she’s trying to cheat, she’s banging Coolio. Have fun following that one up.
- Andrews spent part of her early career covering the Tampa Bay Lightning for the Sunshine Network. There is nothing sexier than a girl who will grab a beer with you and watch some hockey. Actually hearing intelligent input while watching Canada’s Finest Contribution to Earth is cause for a raging hard-on that only subsides after looking at … Rachel Nichols (bam!).
- I’m a Mac guy.
- Erin clearly has no problem with younger men.
- Wikipedia knows all. When Wikipedia doesn’t have your picture posted, it probably means you look like a horse.
- Finally, one word: firecrotch.
Snappy’s retort is coming soon, but don’t hold your breath. I already know who wins this one.
UPDATE: The poll is up. Do the right thing, America.