Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols: Duh

erinandrews

Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols is the first in an ongoing series of Master Debates, in which Overdramatica and Mr. Snappy go head-to-head in a battle of wits and wisdom. After each of us presents our argument, we’ll throw up a poll, and let the people decide who wins. God Bless America.

I distinctly remember not being able to speak when I first heard Mr. Snappy profess that he would rather have carnal relations with ESPN’s Rachel Nichols than America’s Sexiest Sportscaster (according to Playboy [link SFW, believe it or not]) Erin Andrews. There are some arguments in which there is no right or wrong answer. This is not one of those arguments. Honestly, I could just put up a picture of each of them and declare this thing over:

There. I Win.

There. I Win.

However, that wouldn’t be very fun. I’m going to take this argument beyond the blatant, opticallypleasing obvious.

  • While an undergrad at the University of Florida, Andrews was a Dazzler. That’s right, she was on the fucking dance team. Can I get an hallelujah for flexibility? HALLELUJAH!
  • Speaking of colleges, Andrews was a Gator. Nichols? A Northwestern Wildcat. As a current student at a school in the Great White North, I can tell you, without hesitation, that Andrews partied harder. Massive state school in the South > Small, dorky northern private school.
  • Rachel Nichols is not even the hottest famous person named Rachel Nichols.

    Infinitely more boneable than Rachel Nichols, ESPN version.

    Infinitely more boneable than Rachel Nichols, ESPN version.

  • While rumors have been thrown around about Andrews having flings with various athletes, she is single. Nichols, however, is married. And has been since 2001. I don’t care how many “flings” Andrews has had, there’s no way she’s more used up than Nichols, who also is five years Erin’s senior.
  • Nichols’ husband is an exec at Tommy Boy Entertainment, a prominent music label. Sorry fellas, but if she’s trying to cheat, she’s banging Coolio. Have fun following that one up.
  • Andrews spent part of her early career covering the Tampa Bay Lightning for the Sunshine Network. There is nothing sexier than a girl who will grab a beer with you and watch some hockey. Actually hearing intelligent input while watching Canada’s Finest Contribution to Earth is cause for a raging hard-on that only subsides after looking at … Rachel Nichols (bam!).
  • I’m a Mac guy.
  • Erin clearly has no problem with younger men.
  • Wikipedia knows all. When Wikipedia doesn’t have your picture posted, it probably means you look like a horse.
  • Finally, one word: firecrotch.

Snappy’s retort is coming soon, but don’t hold your breath. I already know who wins this one.

— Overdramatica

UPDATE: The poll is up. Do the right thing, America.

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5 Comments

Filed under Master Debates

5 responses to “Erin Andrews vs. Rachel Nichols: Duh

  1. I think that Mac picture takes away from Erin’s boneableness but I would have to agree with you.. although, I wouldn’t mind banging Nichols from behind… the camera, Erin Andrew’s takes the cock, er cake. Good work.

  2. Overdramatica

    Yeah the Mac picture wasn’t tremendous, but if that’s the worst she can look, I’m pretty OK with that.

    Also, the whole Nichols not blinking thing really freaks me out. You’d have to bang her from behind because any position where she faces you would have far too much awkward eye contact to handle.

  3. Nick

    Neither – I would vote for Molly Sullivan of the mountain west sports network.

  4. Jimmy Martinez

    Rachel Nichols is my favorite. It is just a preference issue and I much prefer Rachel. Do a google search to see what I mean. It’s too bad about some of the comments here. “Bang her from behind”?! Dudes learn some etiquette and get rid of the misogynistic lingo, I am sure she would not want to come within 100 yards of either of you.

  5. CHRISTIAN = LIAR

    i guess it’s my disdain for blondes in general, but i don’t even see how this is a debate. nichols in an FDR-esque landslide

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