Have you ever tried the Nashville Predator?

 

I don't even know...

The whole concept for Homer Eroticism came about as a result of a discussion OD and I had regarding which professional sports team’s name sounds the most like a freaky sexual maneuver. I figure it was time to present this discussion to the public. Without further ado, here are some of my nominations. I imagine once OD weighs in on the matter, we will set up some sort of a vote to determine the ultimate winner.

MLB:
The Texas Ranger
The Cleveland Indian
The Detroit Tiger
A New York Yankee (“dude, she gave me a little ‘New York Yankee,’ if you know what I mean” )
The Tampa Bay Ray
The Pittsburgh Pirate
The Houston Astro
The Arizona Diamondback
The San Francisco Giant
The Colorado Rocky
The Florida Marlin

NBA:
The Portland Blazer
The Charlotte Bobcat
The Milwaukee Buck
The Chicago Bull
The Memphis Grizzly
The New Orleans Hornet
The Orlando Magic
The Dallas Maverick
The Denver Nugget
The Detroit Piston
The Toronto Raptor
The San Antonio Spur
The Oklahoma City Thunder
The Minnesota Timberwolf
The Washington Wizard

NFL:
The Buffalo Bill
The Miami Dolphin
The Dallas Cowboy
The New York Giant
The Philadelphia Eagle
The Washington Redskin
The Baltimore Raven
The Chicago Bear
The Green Bay Packer
The Minnesota Viking
The Jacksonville Jaguar
The Tennessee Titan
The Atlanta Falcon
The Tampa Bay Buccaneer
The Denver Bronco
The Oakland Raider
The San Diego Charger
The St. Louis Ram

NHL:
The New Jersey Devil
The Pittsburgh Penguin
The Nashville Predator
The Buffalo Sabre
The Ottawa Senator
The Calgary Flame
The Colorado Avalanche
The Minnesota Wild
The Atlanta Thrasher
The Carolina Hurricane
The Florida Panther
The Phoenix Coyote
The San Jose Shark

So those are my nominations. The names in bold are my personal favorites. Respond with any I may have missed, as well as potential descriptions of what some of these moves might entail. We’ll throw up a poll after some leaders emerge.

-Mr. Snappy

Random Savagery… The Definition of a Teabag

I remembered seeing this dunk a while back, and finally found it on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a_wW6Zf0Qk
(sorry, embedding doesn’t work for this vid)

This may be the farthest that nuts have ever been placed down a throat.

Willie Warren should also be remembered for this:

my new hero

His perfect high-top fade during the McDonald’s All-American game.

Willie Warren, you are officially a friend of Homer Eroticism.

Oh, and I am this close to putting that ref in the video on The Sh!t List for the technical foul. How you gonna play Willie Warren like that?

Hope that brightened your day.

-Mr. Snappy

Tyrus Thomas is a Violent Individual

…and Jermaine O’Neal needs to file charges for this one:

Goodness gracious. If I wasn’t mildly intoxicated and quite tired, I’d have something funny to say about this. I know J.O. is only 30, but he may want to think about retirement after that one. It’s never good to get tossed to the baseline by somebody’s nuts hitting your chest.

Nuggets of Greatness: January 22

Nuggets of Greatness is our semi-regular link dump. We search through all the crap on the internet to unearth the best posts of the day. I am out of thinly veiled poop references. Shit.

• Best. Headline. Ever. (The Big Picture)
• A day in the life of Erin Andrews (Kornheiser’s Cartel)
• Serena Williams will crush you. And your boner. (The World of Isaac)
• The Top 10 best sports one-liners (Rootzoo)

Woody Paige: Motivational Speaker?

There are few ESPN personalities I hate more than Woody Paige (off the top of my head: Boomer, Skip Bayless, Colin Cowherd, Jay Mariotti). For some reason, I flipped on Around the Horn last night, and was subjected to his inane ramblings about the New Jersey Institute of Technology (or in Woody: EN-GIT!, EN-GIT!) and their basketball team’s 51-game losing streak:

The only thing that inspired me to do was to shut off my TV and find Paige’s address so I could mail him a bag of poo. However, the Highlanders must have been inspired, because they took down Bryant University 61-51 for their first victory since the Bush presidency. Sorry, more specifically, their first victory since February 19, 2007.

Everyone else seems to be impressed with NJIT’s victory. I’m more concerned with the fact that Around the Horn’s resident idiot (and that’s saying something) may have just lifted a pathetic team to its first victory in almost two years. If there’s any justice in the world, Paige will predict an Arizona victory in the Super Bowl, then meet his untimely end when he accidentally steps between Troy Polamalu and the Lombardi Trophy just minutes after the Steelers wrap up their sixth title.

Dunk Insanity

Just saw this dunk at the end of Sportscenter, by Jarret Johnson of Anderson University (SC). The post-dunk pandemonium was more than warranted:

My good friend played basketball in high school, and one of his favorite hoops-related stories happened during a scrimmage, when one of his teammates tip-slammed on the team’s star player. The practice essentially ended as the entire gym went nuts, and one player simply sat down in the middle of the court and removed his shoes. The dunk was too much to handle.

Had I been wearing shoes when I saw this dunk, they would certainly have been removed. Dunks can do funny things to people.

Nuggets of Greatness: January 20

Nuggets of Greatness is our semi-regular link dump. We search through all the crap on the internet to unearth the best posts of the day. I am out of thinly veiled poop references. Shit.

• The former Miss USA, pictured above, is trading in soap operas for porn. One more for the good guys! (Epic Carnival)
• One photo perfectly sums up why Americans will never embrace soccer (With Leather)
• The FOX football crew hits the town, runs into obnoxious paparazzi (Awful Announcing)
• Match the ESPN personality to his drink. I vote Boomer was sipping the martini (Busted Coverage)

Witness

Rudy Fernandez? Really?

We would be remiss in our duties here at Homer Eroticism to just let this one go. How the hell did Rudy Fernandez beat out Joe Alexander and Russell Westbrook for the fourth spot in the slam dunk contest?

I personally thought Joe Alexander was the obvious choice. For one, he’s the perfect underdog: young, white, and goofy as hell. In his dunk contest audition tape he says, “winning the slam dunk contest would be the second best experience of my life after getting drafted. So yeah, it would be the greatest experience of my life thus far.” This is on par with Amare’s quote from my NBA Slam Dunks Vol. 1 DVD in which he declares, “I dunk a lot, so uh, pretty much every dunk excites me.” I love shit like that.

But yeah, if you still weren’t sold on Joe Alexander, the man warms up by hitting his head on the rim. That’s awesome for a couple reasons. Don’t believe me?

Joe may have tried this one too many times…

If you’re racist, and completely against white people in dunk contests, than I would concede that Russell Westbrook is a spectacular choice also. Westbrook’s combination of freak athleticism and small stature make him a dunk contest prototype. He’s also been known to do this to people…

But no, America. You decided to go with Rudy Fernandez. What does he bring to the table, exactly? He’s a little bigger than ideal, and certainly not a high-flying type dunker. He did kind of dunk on Dwight Howard in the gold medal game, but it wasn’t nearly as spectacular as it sounds. He’s having a nice season, but his victory over Joe and Russell is a travesty.

You could have had either of these:

Instead you got this:

Oh well. Dwight is going to win anyways.

-Mr. Snappy

Russell Westbrook Respectfully Disagrees With Your Vote

The news broke today that Portland’s Rudy Fernandez won the NBA.com fan vote for the fourth participant in the Slam Dunk Contest, beating out Milwaukee’s Joe Alexander and OKC’s Russell Westbrook. Instead of quietly ceding victory, Westbrook used near-lethal force to throw down this slam over Miami’s Mario Chalmers during last night’s game:

With Mario’s spectacular addition, TSOL is now up to 16 members. Although I completely missed it when the “lineup” hit 15 (the NBA maximum for a roster), I’m going to compile TSOL’s roster anyway. I’d put this squad up against almost any in the league:

PG: Delonte West, Mario Chalmers, Javaris Crittenton
SG: Dwyane Wade, Von Wafer
SF: Rasual Butler, Darius Miles, Bobby Simmons
PF: Pau Gasol, Big Baby Davis, Robin Lopez, Solomon Jones
C: Amare Stoudemire, Greg Oden, Tyson Chandler, Mikki Moore

To adhere to NBA rules, I guess we’d have to release Solomon Jones, but considering the ridiculous depth this team would have up front, he’s no big loss. If this team pulls a trade for a viable small forward (it’s too bad Al Thornton redeemed himself … he’d fit perfectly), they’d be NBA title contenders.